Why am I always the plan B?
by Tuliharja
Summary: Orihime reflects on her thoughts about her and Ichigo's relationship and how she will always be his plan B. She knows this, yet she just can't let go. One-shot. R&R! Sort of one sided HimeIchi and IchiRuki.


Title: _Why am I always the plan B?_

_Author: ______Tuliharja_

Summary: _Orihime reflects on her thoughts about her and Ichigo's relationship and how she will always be his plan B. She knows this, yet she just can't let go. One-shot. R&R! Sort of one sided HimeIchi and IchiRuki._

_Disclaimer: ____BLEACH belongs to Tite Kubo. I'm merely just writing fan fiction about it._

Author's note: _Thanks for Sunny betaing this._

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**-Why am I always the plan B?-**

Kurosaki-kun never really says no to anyone, but neither does he says yes. Only to Kuchiki-san would he probably could say 'yes', but to anyone else…he would never say such thing. Not even to me, even though we've known each other for so long. But it's fine, after all it's just fine to be at his side like this. To see him go on his way and smile. To see how his eyes bright from the happiness he gets. It's fine, really…or so I keep telling myself.

No, no, no! It's wrong to think like that, I keep reminding myself. I have to keep up my smile and support him the best I can. Because complaining about him not paying enough attention to me would be selfish. After all, just few years ago I actually mustered enough courage to be more than just school acquaintances with him. We became friends. Not close ones, but still. I felt my heart burst from happiness when I finally could be closer to someone I liked, loved. It was my dream coming true, yet I always knew when Kuchiki-san came around he wanted someone like her. Not me -the little girl who was a damsel in distress. A girl who barely could do anything, but just wait for her prince charming to come and rescue her. And that was what I exactly was: a princess which needed rescuing. After all, when I was kidnapped I didn't do anything. I thought it would be fine if I was left. Yet…some greedy part of me wanted to be rescued by Kurosaki-kun. I wished that. I hoped that. I wanted that. _I needed it._

So why couldn't I confess to him face to face? Because I knew I would be his plan B. Not plan A. Why can't I be the A plan? Because I keep lingering around Kurosaki-kun, being there yet not, while others are. But I'm just…not there.

I try making myself able to be noticed, to be stronger. And part of me did become stronger after my rescue. Yet it still hurt so much when I see Kurosaki-kun hurt. Why does it hurt when I know all there is for me is just nothing? I'm not that ridiculous or stupid that I would expect Kurosaki-kun to come me anymore. Sweep off my feet and tell me I'm the one. Yet I still wish I wouldn't be the plan B. But my silly heart won't just let go. I want stay, to enjoy his warmness and smile a little bit longer. I'm like a moth that is flying too near a flame –if I'm not careful, I might burn myself. But would that matter?

After all, Kurosaki-kun needs someone to cover his back. And I'm perfect for that. I've learned so much for the past few years I can already do that! Yet when Kuchiki-san steps inside the room, all the colors for him come brighter. I know then there isn't any need for me to cover his back, because if someone will do that it'll be _her_. Not me.

But Kurosaki-kun should remember I saw him _first_. I saw him before Kuchiki-san did. I saw how hopeless and fragile he was. I saw how he was and how he became. I saw it all. Yet I never voiced it. I was like a shadow. Silent, yet all-seeing. And because of that, I fell for him. Do you remember Kurosaki-kun? Do you remember how you and I were and how in the end we became something?

Some people say this kind of relationship could hurt someone, but it doesn't. It really doesn't. I'm happy as long as he is. And that's what matters, doesn't it? When someone you love is happy, you can be too. Even though you wouldn't be the one who he would eventually be with. Even though you wouldn't be the one he would cherish for all his nights and days, dreaming about you, touching you, playing with you.

So…why does it hurt so much? Why is it harder and harder to keep up this smile? Haven't I buried my all bad and negative thoughts? Because I'm not selfish. I'm not a bad person. _I can't be_. Because everybody is used to that bubbly girl who is always smiling and telling ridiculous stories. I'm that little bit of sunshine, who always keeping the last ray of hope on her sleeve, supporting others so they too can believe in Kurosaki-kun when everything is failing. I'm the solid rock, who believes in him fully and nothing can stop it. Yet I feel I still belong to the B-team. Not the best one, but the second best. Even though I'm supposed to be the princess, I'm not his. This isn't my fairy tale. I'm not the main character for even a moment.

But the way he looks at me, telling me to wait, is like an open promise: a last hope for the sinking me.


End file.
